To My Dearest Brother...

can't remember when was the last time i went to one of those chalets in East Coast...secondary school days? poly days? NS days? hmmm....so anyway...i was ther on Fri evening...together wif Kor...to attend a Birthday BBQ Party for Xiao Ying...Danny Boi's GF....worried there will not b enuf food for us...me and Kor decided to have our dinner first....at this Japanese Restaurant...good food...relatively ok pricing...bought some beer at 7-eleven thn headed straight to the chalet...

its the usual sort of gatherings u attend...wif many unfamiliar faces...everyone is jus amongst their own groups...the only persons we know is the hosts!!! this is gonna b one hell of a boring nite :( so its jus me and Kor entertaining ourselves...didnt bother much...we r quite used to keeping each other company....should b able to hang on for a few hours before we say our goodbyes...after the Bday gal cut her cake that is....since we have a few hours to burn...might as well do something...BBQ...started cookin some stuff....adding in charcoal....acting like real BBQ professionals....and before we know it....we r down to the final few chicken wings....just in time for cake cutting...had our share of the cake plus photo taking....thn dis huge group of ppl (Boi's colleagues from Shanghai Tang) decided to make a move...leaving behind his cousins....3 other frens...Kor and me!!

Kor and I started exchangin glances...sending out signals to each other...its telepathy they say...kinda know wat each other is thinkin...thn Danny Boi asked us to open the bottle of Martel...well ok...a few drinks isn't gonna stop us from going home...problem here is...we didn't jus stop wif a few drinks....an hour later we finished the whole bottle!!! OMG!! and started on another bottle....by the time we were almost done wif the 2nd bottle...we ran out of mixers...it was 2 plus thn...dun think we can make it home wif all the alcohol...Kor and I decided to stay for the nite...headed for the showers...thn went to bed...if u think tat's the end of the story...think again! couldn fall alseep...so we chatted thru the nite...maybe its becos we were super high...Kor started to pour his heart out...the things tat he said and did really stunned me! know u r very interested in wat he said...shhhh!!!! 这是不能说的秘密...haha :p

i remembered very clearly wat he said wat he did tat nite...every word....every action...known Kor for so many years now...never seen him like this before...never hear him pour out his sorrows before...his argument: cos he dun want the ppl around him to worry for him....so he rather choose to shoulder all the worries himself...bottling up all his stress and fustrations! despite the no. of times i insist he tell me....he never did! except for tat day....Kor i know tat i m part of ur fustration and stress....u mentioned tat i have every right to make mistakes becos i m younger...no matter wat mistakes i make...u will always forgive me...really sorry! i didnt know tat my past actions had such impact on u and left u wif such an impression...tat u had to suffer in silence...really sorry!!

before i end this update...i wan to say this..."Kor, all these years...i have never really cared bout how u feel cos i always take it for granted tat u dun bother anyway...until tat nite when i heard it from u...dun care whether u r drunk or not...but u "spilled the beans"...so now tat i am aware...i feel really bad....i m so so sorry!!! but believe me...back thn and now...i have never chosen him over u...cos the both of u r jus very different...one "was" my best fren and one is my Kor...how 2 choose? but back thn i spent more time wif him cos i tot u still have "Godfather" wif u whereas he had none...but who knows tat f@#kin "Godfather" of urs so damn greedy!!!! want best of both worlds....create HUGE havoc amongst all of us....telling tales....back stabbing us....i really hate this old man!! wish he can drop dead!!! he's the indirect cause to all our misery and sufferings! i learnt alot from this incident....lost my best fren....but i m really thankful to God tat i still have u...for so many years...the care and concern u have showered over me...i know and i m really grateful to u...now tat u r facing some problems in life...can u give me this chance to do the same? let me play my part as ur Di Di....can? u told me tat nite tat the only thing we didnt do was go thru proper ceremony...apart from this...u regarded me as ur real brother...so u must trust me...i will do whatever i can to help u get thru these obstacles...but will only be able to do it if you allow me into ur life...to go thru good and bad times together...isnt this what brothers are suppose to do? Kor, all this while...u handled things on ur own...this time round...pls let me handle it with u can? Kor, dun do anymore things for me...more importantly...pls dun do anything harmful to ur life anymore...it will only make me feel more guilty...only make me feel worse...u have already done more thn enuf for me...really *sob**sob*....."

call me when u r ready to talk....

Xiao Ying, Happy Bday again!!! Hope u enjoyed urself!!!

Cheers